Solemn Love
by Doreedo
Summary: A dark drama in which Tomoyo finds sadness and love; and Sakura the same. With a tragedy that holds them apart-in their minds, they form a bond that will never die, their love. Yuri. R for flexibility.RR
1. White Walls

Author's note: My first story (a ff8 fic) was a perfect flub - my inspiration left as soon as I started it. This one however, I have planned out - I have not written it, but I _do_ have it planned out. Please enjoy, I don't feel we have enough good Tomoyo/Sakura fics in the world. Don't review if all you are going to say is you don't like the paring.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura, or any of the characters. This is a work of fiction, and that's too bad. ;)

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The tears flowing from Tomoyo's eyes form miniature pools on the harsh white linoleum beneath her. Most things in the room were harsh white in fact, with only the obtrusion of diffracted ultra-violet hospital lights and steel waiting benches to compete with. Cheerful nurses walked past the seat upon which she felt chained to, giving sympathetic glances or reassuring smiles as though to force the happiness they falsely exhumed unto her. Her mother's chief bodyguard paced on an acute line of misery; for once wearing the regulated agent-style black suit without the confidence of one doing their duty. Every ten minutes or so she would stop pacing, look at Tomoyo just long enough for it to be not considered staring, and resume again, no doubt worrying about how her life-long friend and employer's daughter was handling this, and also whether she would be at blame. 

'God, mother, why? The medicine three months ago…and this?' Tomoyo mentally tore herself apart, questioning all things available to her – her mother's love of her, her own love of her mother, her life. Never Sakura though, that was one thing that would never be in question.

_Sakura…I need you here soon, please hurry. I just need someone to tell me that it will be okay and mean it…please…_

Tomoyo's sobs intensified as she thought of the only one whom could make her feel like this would turn out like she wanted it to – where everyone would be back to smiles and bentos, songs and Clow cards.

Just three months ago, that had been her life. The eve of Nadeshiko's remembrance day her mother had become reclusive – not something uncommon. She dismissed those bodyguards that were scheduled to work the next day, and went out on her own. Assumedly, she went out to quite a few bars, because when she came back home it was quite late the next day in a drunken stupor, crashing ungracefully through the front door and onto the couch. At that time, Tomoyo was at school, but the security cameras captured enough for such a thing to be easily found out. The guards that were heading out to pick Tomoyo up to go home, along with Sakura for some homework, found her passed out and quite cold on the couch a few hours later.

The doctors found high amounts of Tylenol in her system – so high, in fact, that she was said to be most certainly dead after results came back. Despite the impossible amount of drugs in her system, she pulled out of the coma she had doused herself into. After a few days rest, she promptly began working again, never speaking of the matter with her daughter, leaving only speculations and hurt eyes to know any better.

And now it had come back at her. The doctors had found an incredibly large tumor in her body near the stomach during a small test to make sure that she hadn't been taking large amounts of medication again. The only option she had for treatment was surgery followed by heavy chemotherapy, and that itself was not much of an option – this time, she would _surely_ die if not for it. This time at least, she told Tomoyo of the news. That's all she did though – immediately after telling Tomoyo the date for the procedure, she left the room, and Tomoyo was left in ice, tears forming fresh upon her previously rosy, now ashen, cheeks.

So here she sat, the day her mother had said, in the harsh ultra-violets, drinking in the pure loneliness that they proclaimed. And there she would sit for quite some time, until she was gently put to sleep – dreamless and crystalline – by the one whom she had come to love, the one who had yet to love her; her angel.

Propping Tomoyo up on herself, Sakura sat motionless listening to the echoing footsteps of people moving. The sleep card had crept into her hand as soon as she saw Tomoyo crying while staring vacantly at the lights below, reflected on the ghostly pale tiles. As soon as Tomoyo had been put to sleep, Sakura felt tears welling in her own eyes. It was now that she could relax her guardedly happy face, put up in order to give Tomoyo confidence about the source of this grief. In truth though, just seeing her normally smiling best friend in such mental pain had drawn any optimism she had left out of her.

The bodyguard whom had been relentlessly pacing back and forth slipped lightly out of the scene, allowing herself some relief knowing that Sakura was with her young master, along with taking apart her mask of professionalism. The small sobs from around the corner echoed her own; the hospital surrounding them mercilessly continued its dreadful vibrant whiteness.

It took Tomoyo four hours to pull herself from the magic-induced slumber, exactly three minutes to fully wake up, and another twelve seconds to realize where she was. By that time, Sakura had already pulled her face back in to optimism, adjusting her hair and wiping her tear-tracks from eyes to neck. Tomoyo's soft black hair ruffled against her cheek as a disheveled head was lifted from Sakura's shoulder. A small amount of warmth was left on the shoulder, trailing away as Tomoyo stared with exhaustion-filled eyes at Sakura, not saying a word. She pulled herself back towards her resting place, and began to cry again.

"Shhh…It'll be ok." Sakura whispered to the top of Tomoyo's head.

Tomoyo shook her head slightly, preparing to deny the fact that it _could_ be ok.

"She'll be ok…I promise." Sakura said as she pressed her face into the black mass of hair.

They both stayed like that for some time, until the 'Operation in Progress' sign bleeped off, and the blank doors opened.

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Additional note: While updating may be sporadic, rest assured; this story will go on. 


	2. A Motionless Action

Author's Note: I'm sorry about the brevity of my chapters >, ...Once I get us out of the hospital things will pick up in chapter length, believe me, but right now is one of the more crucial story-building phases. Bear with me....the real fun will begin soon!

Disclaimer: I own not the characters or original story used to make the fanfic portrayed below....heck, I'll say it less fancy - not mine, don't sue.

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Even after the menacing doors had been pushed open, it was yet another dreadful thirty seconds before activity resumed. The doctor came out. Short black hair previously contained by a cap was the only thing that stood out in the hospital ambience - she was dressed in an emergency room frock; the hospital's logo, obscured behind folded hands, blatantly printed upon cream paper-like material. Her gloves had been removed, as was her mask, and the perfect white teeth she had were readily visible as she walked past Tomoyo and Sakura, through a 'Staff Only' door, and presumably sat down for a break. Tomoyo grimly imagined the break room in her mind; a lush, carpeted, colorful land for those who did not need to hinge there life on the surgery previously performed.

Two nurses wheeled out the bed which held her mother, but Tomoyo's legs would not let her move. The tears had stopped when the doors had opened, mostly because the grip she now had on Sakura's hand was holding all of her will, but the ache still remained in her heart. The nurses slowed the bed before glancing their way, realizing that they would not be moving for quite some time, and continuing on to an open room. Silence clung to the walls, with breath audible beneath the clenching of hands. Operational room doors swung shut silently on well-oiled silver hinges. As though freed from a trance by the movement, Tomoyo dropped the grip she held on to Sakura with, and sank to the floor from her position on the bench. Sakura followed her down, and tried to hold her hand again. Tomoyo's hands shot to the floor, bracing her for what she knew was inevitable.

"Sakura…please…step back a little" she mumbled.

Such was the quiet that with her tiny voice, she was still heard. Sakura stepped back a foot at the request of her best friend, hoping that it would help her get moving again. Suddenly Tomoyo trembled and translucent yellow fluid was ejected from her mouth as she vomited. Tomoyo thought with irony that she had finally removed some of the whiteness from room before collapsing.

"Tomoyo!" Sakura yelled, bringing the bodyguard out of her own daze so as to rush to the little mistress.

With both Tomoyo and her mother resting in cheery hospital rooms, one for recovery from surgery, another for recovery from heartache, Sakura finally had time to start her own breakdown. Her once again bright face had turned immediately to worry once Tomoyo had fainted – partially because Tomoyo had fainted, but also because she could no longer keep the bright face there. Once Sakura began to shake uncontrollably, the ironic sunshine and heat of the day left, and clear turned to cloudy, which lead to rain, and finally snow. The hallway that she sat in fell to below zero, her tears turned to miniature ice drops, and the coffee in the staff lounge nearby froze while still in the pot. And then everything went back to warmth and sunshine.

Perhaps what made her pain so great was how she _did_ have magic, and yet she could do nothing. She could manipulate elements, form barriers, destroy evil, but she had no way of knowing anything about the internals of humans, or any other creature for that matter. Promising Tomoyo that everything would be all right and having everything be all right were two different things…things which she had forced herself to believe were one. In this case, being 'Cardcaptor Sakura' meant nothing; being Sakura meant nothing. She could just hold out a hand to hold…all the while whispering words that she couldn't believe herself.

Tomoyo slowly came awake and noticed first that the walls weren't white. Hoping for her terror to just be a dream, she bolted up from her firm bed, and promptly fell back when she smelled the air. It was too clean; it was the hospital's scent. A strange resolve had been brought to her with this knowledge though. Tears no longer came to thought at the reality of what was happening, at the percentage that was given to her of success, or of the almost comforting fact that she had little to no chance of Sakura ever returning the feelings she felt so strongly. After acknowledging the pain and emptiness of reality she slowly pointed her gaze around the room, taking in the differences of it and the hallway in which she had waited for her mother.

A light lavender paint coated this room's interior – not that different from the corridors, but enough to have some psychological impact upon the 'patient' currently in her bed. A small TV hanging from the ceiling – Toshiba – which shown sumo into the depths of those eyes watching it when turned on was the largest distraction possible in the room; the window's view was of traffic outside. Unlike the hallway, a slight sound was always present inside the room, whether absolute silence engulfed the subject or not. Tomoyo's ears caught on a distant-sounding hiccup, and it took her a while to realize it only sounded distant, and that it was in fact originating from just outside the door. By the time she had realized its maker, she was already out of bed dressing in clothes left on a small oak side table (presumably by her guard).

She blushed in slight embarrassment as her socks were pulled on, recalling how ungracefully she had arrived in a situation such as this. A turn of the handle silenced the hiccups and snuffles, and as she opened the door a slight rustling was heard. When the door was full-open, there sat a beaming Sakura, preparing to stand and hug her best friend's bemused self. Tomoyo put on her best grin, hoping that she could mend a small amount of the torture she knew Sakura to be putting herself through. The moment of selfishness had passed her, and she vowed not to show such an indecency to the one which she loved so much again.

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Until next time... 


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